well fuck me she seems to have taken away more than I realised. I currently have absolutely no balls at all oO
how long, how long?
the world finds so many ways to irritate me nowadays, really. from the observations of kind bystanders I was enlightened today of the fact that I really hate a lot of people. but that brings me back to my lack of a sac because even though I hate lots of people, I daren't do anything about it except bitch. and bitch. and bitch somemore.
well pardon me for being lazy but I do not have a sadistic inclination to go beating up everyone I dislike and getting some hurt back in return. I may not be very well refined physically but a softball bat to the head will do miles more damage than any knuckle sandwich ever could. I just choose not to.
but at what cost? To get consistently pissed off every day? Is it really worth it? Sometimes I just marvel at the self-confidence of certain individuals. To them, one word always works, always gets the message across. whereas for me, I have to actually find a way of expressing what I really feel, instead of saying "fuck" all the time.
For example, I can't just say "fuck" when I mean "please get lost because I put my stuff on this table long before you came here and hence it is very inappropriate of you to sit here at my table with my stuff still on it and do your work and deprive me of a space I feel I rightfully deserve". See, you can't think that in a split second. so instead, I just back off. pussy for you slau.
I really don't think I'm that big a loser, honestly. I'm sure I can identify lots more who think they're cool but would actually be better off sucking it than I am. honestly, dipshits who walk around the library showing off their random intellectual capabilities to others who may be a little bit off-tangent academics-wise REALLY NEED TO GET A CLUE. IT'S IRRITATING. PEOPLE WANT TO STUDY. PEOPLE DON'T LIKE FEELING STUPID. WOULD YOU LIKE FEELING LIKE THE DIPSHIT YOU REALLY ARE? HUH? FUCK YOU!
okay, nvm. enter shikari.
slau | 9:39 PM
Why am I still awake you may be asking?
Well, all I can say is: desperate times call for desperate measures :P
All this for the 5 A's, for a career, for my life. I wonder if it'll all be worth it in the end. Whether I really am subscribing to my supposed 'greater purpose'. Because the way I've been behaving, I might as well do straight to purgatory now.
Seriously! This is not just a random moment of ethos,I really have been thinking long and hard about what I am supposed to amount to. Maybe writing the portfolio was really a good idea cos it allowed me the opportunity to rethink my life, to paint a picture of what I really should be aiming for. But it all seems too farfetched for now. Why? Because I can't possibly forgive myself. Why? Because some people still can't forgive me.
It's a very unfortunate viscious cycle. You think you are ready to repent, but people just don't want to accept your apologies. Why? Because this world likes to judge. Why? Because everyone thinks they're as smart as the next person. Even the biggest fool on Earth can think he's a bloody genius. That's what this world has come to. Everyone is blind, nobody can see their own flaws for what they really are, and everyone just ends up thinking they're going the right way when everyone's really going every which way except for the right one. And when the blind starts to lead the blind...
You know what happens.
I guess I really haven't gotten over it yet. And maybe I never will? It's hard to tell. On one hand I can't imagine myself possibly giving a thought to it say ten years from now. But just a month ago it seemed to be my most treasured possession.
The problem with something you treasure is that you end up thinking nobody's gonna take it away from you.
Then when you find out you're wrong, it's too too late.
slau | 5:00 AM
and he still made the play!!!
SICK!!
And I think it says a lot when I think I'll be spending more time doing the FREAKING PORTFOLIO than actually mugging over the next few weeks.
we don't need ropes to climb the walls you build
slau | 12:21 PM
I can almost feel the life seeping slowly out of me, I can't seem to enjoy and study in the same day anymore, that's the only reason why I felt so freaking wiped out after GI Joe ytd oO not to take anything away from it, it was a freaking hardcore badass movie. Non-stop action from start to finish. But Sienna Miller was alright la -.-
And I really have to remind myself not to watch in crowded cinemas, some fight almost broke out cos some ass from the back was throwing chocolates around...retarded. Or maybe go watch something intellectual, not a movie that will likely draw in the crowds cos that's just a recipe for disaster.
Progress is going along just fine, need to find some way to balance out between mugging and homework though. Not to say that teachers shouldn't be giving out practice papers but argh I should've seen that coming.
And it's not just exams, stupid SGC and Colours...applying had better be worth it otherwise I'm gonna be damn pissed at a certain Mr CHK -.-
This is the time to throw down, get serious, and just as well that I've finally gotten my head clear. Maybe it's all the hair keeping out the static HAHA!!!!
But it's FREAKING HARD TO WASH -.-
slau | 8:03 PM
4 more weeks! Time to buckle down, stop playing Metal Slug and actually study haha.
Making good time at least, on track to finish everything on time.
Come on slau you can do this!
I really dig this guy. If I could be anyone I wanna be I'd want to be him. Super suave and street smart. Everything I am not.
But still my heart won't let you down.
slau | 9:14 PM
Sometimes it's almost as if she enjoys doing this. I'm sure she knows how much I'm suffering here in silence. I suppose hoping she will one day see through my supposed 'harassment" and take what I say for what it truly is is just wishful dreaming. How can someone be so forgetful as to completely disregard everything that we've done together, even given the misunderstandings that happened in the past.
Seriously, it's the one thing I have failed to come to terms with all this while. It just goes to show how useful I was all this while, that someone like me can just be pushed aside so nonchalantly. Was that the case all this while huh? Well you definitely put on quite a show.
I'm over wallowing in self-pity and disappointment at losing a supposed friend, because obviously that wasn't the case. Obviously I was just trying to be someone I wasn't. I don't like your friends, I don't agree with a lot of your views and opinions, I don't give two shits about what you think about me or any one of my friends.
I'm not the only one who's been making mistakes, because nobody's perfect. Yes you may be able to argue that I'm the one who tore everything down for good, but I believe that whatever I said in the past was with a valid reason, and fuck you for making me feel that I've been making a mess out of this.
FUCK YOU
for bitching about me to your friends, which you DEFINITELY have done. Why create some kind of messed up opinion of me? I haven't even told a single bloody person anything, but you've already gone and probably turned your entire clique against me.
FUCK YOU
Come criticise my colourful language! Give me your best shot! Call your brother! Call your gangster friends! As if I'm supposed to be scared. As if killing me now is going to make my life any worse off.
You obviously never gave me any self-respect, because I was always dispensable. And you never had the fucking guts to admit it either.
well FUCK YOU BITCH.
slau | 12:48 PM
Why does almost every foreign romantic comedy end with someone losing their virginity? It was that way with Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist,
significant because it was the first time I saw KAT DENNINGS on the big screen (!) and also because it was one of those fond memories with a certain someone who seems all but lost for now.
I guess that's another story though.
But yeah, the same story's been seemingly played out in Adventureland,
not that I want to get laid, but it's as if being a virgin is bad!?
Culture shock. But I should really actually read my GameAxis mags cos they really recommend some good movies. They gunned down Harry Potter (which I hated) but gave Adventureland a thumbs-up, which it probably deserved but last I checked (about 5 minutes ago) it's not showing in GV anymore! ): But Harry Potter and Ice Age III are!? wth?!
For the record they liked GI Joe too.
And Balls of Fury! AHHAHA!
Xavia! Who will save us?
slau | 8:38 PM
